Sick and tired enough?
It was just yesterday, ☺, a few years ago, I was in my 20’s. I recall being taken aback when I told my psychotherapist I had had enough of a particular situation that was plaguing my life, that I was “sick and tired of the mess” and she argued that I had not! HUH?? She said I still had more “sick and tired” left in me. So much for empathy!!
I rallied. I explained that the reason I was still in the lousy situation, (it might have been a terrible job) was that I was afraid, didn’t she understand?? Wasn’t she going to give me the six secret steps to overcoming the fear so I could tackle my problem?! Apparently not.
I think I quit therapy! As it turns out, I now understand what she meant, grasshopper, and I see the same erroneous thinking stopping people from taking the leap to discover their work or core personal passions and live by them.
People confess: “What if I admit that I loathe my partner, have for years or have used up all my sick time and so now I am calling in dead to that awful job…or know there is more to my life, but I am afraid to do that thing, afraid to write it down, afraid to have witnesses, afraid of what people will think.
Congratulations on being afraid!
If you are scared, I am thrilled! Afraid of success in your business, afraid of failure, afraid of stagnation…congratulations!!! (So much for empathy!) ☺ Welcome that F-E-A-R. Ask it to have a seat. Give it a cup of coffee or a rum and coke.
It may sound strange, but I believe that FEAR is your doorway to Freedom!!! I will say that again. I believe fear is your doorway to Freedom! A wake-up call. Cuddle up with it!
Emotions are messengers with information. Fear can be useful! It tells you to get ready, to get your parachute in working order before you jump. Fear warns you not to jump alone and to have a backup tree you can land in if you parachute fails.
However, do not ever mistake the message that fear brings for one of complacency or an excuse to not do anything.
Let fear move you!
In fact, Fear is the Antidote to Staying in your Comfort Zone. If you are not afraid, then the thing you anticipate doing, being or having is not worth the risk.
Hover over your Fear with your mouse and transform it into Excitement. Be grateful for the feeling and watch it bloom into anticipation for what you can do as a woman in business. Let it MOVE you. It does not matter whether you are just starting out, have an idea for a business or have been in business for a while and are fearful of taking it to the next level. I am excited to help you transform that terror into Freedom!
Sign up for my newsletter, and you will be notified of my upcoming webinar where we will delve deeper into the subject of your success!
Why the Bad News Jo-ann?
As a serious student of human motivation, I know the science and statistics, and I have personally experienced the hype and crash of setting goals/resolutions and not achieving them. The first two weeks usually go along beautifully, but by February people are backsliding head first down that ski slope of false hope! And by next December most people are back where they started—often even further behind and feeling like Losers, and not the weight loss kind either.
You are Setting the Wrong Kinds of Goals/Intentions!
If I hear one more person advocating S.M.A.R.T (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely) goals, I will drink myself silly and start a revolution. Perhaps a megaphone and going door to door? Ok, how about this blog? Because the idea of SMART goals is popular does not mean it has been proven to work. In fact, we know these types of goals DO NOT work. Punto Finale! Peter Bregman, writing in the Harvard Business Review Blog Network, argues “When we set goals, we're taught to make them specific and measurable and time-bound. But it turns out that those characteristics are precisely the reasons goals can backfire. A specific, measurable, time-bound goal drives behavior that's narrowly focused and often leads to either cheating or myopia. Yes, we often reach the goal, but at what cost?” For example, in the past, before I was enlightened ☺, I set a SMART goal of losing 10 pounds by this particular date. That goal did nothing to change the behaviours that lead to the 10 lbs and come ‘Weigh-In Mondays’, you could be sure I took some pills that would cleanse my bowels Sunday night (cause crap weighs a ton), I did not drink water or eat before, and made sure to weigh in with clothes that were light and breezy! If that meant freezing my tush off in winter, so be it. I had a goal dammit!
Making resolutions work, involves changing behaviors, and to change a behaviour you have to change your thinking (or "rewire" your brain). Brain scientists have discovered, through the use of MRIs, that habitual behavior is created by thinking patterns that create neural pathways, which become the basis for your behavior when you're faced with a decision. Trying to change your thinking by "not trying to do it," in effect just strengthens it. Recall the adage: “What you focus on expands.” Change requires creating new neural pathways from new thinking. I recommend instead that you start thinking about Intrinsic Goals or Passions. These are goods of the Soul, like self-acceptance, physical fitness, ongoing learning, etc. The way to get to them is to ask yourself WHY you want to achieve that particular resolution or goal? Then continue to ask yourself, how will I think if I am physically fit, accepting of myself and so on. This thought pattern will lead to different behaviours and over time help develop new neural pathways. Become part of my revolution to overturn the SMART Goal/Resolutions Phenomena.
That’s it from my Passionate Perspective! If you want help in Discovering your Passions and changing your neural pathways, it’s what I do best! Contact me! I would love to hear from you!
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall?
During this time of fresh new year’s resolutions, you might be using affirmations to help you stick to those goals. Here is one definition I found on the internet. “Affirmations are proven methods of self-improvement because of their ability to rewire our brains. Much like exercise, they raise the level of feel-good hormones and push our brains to form new clusters of ‘positive thought.’” My response to that is bullocks - as my English friends like to say.
I was taught to write them on sticky notes and place them on the mirror, all over the house, in the car, wherever you might see them and repeat them over and over. The only reason this technique ever made me feel better was that the mirror was so filled with sticky notes I could not see myself!
Stop Damaging your Self Worth Already!
Psychology professor Peter Herman and his colleagues have identified what they call the "false hope syndrome," which means that the desired outcome of your affirmation is significantly unrealistic and out of alignment with your internal view of yourself. In non-psychobabble, when you make positive affirmations about yourself that you don't believe, the positive affirmations not only don't work, they can be damaging to your self-worth. For instance, when I tell myself as an affirmation that “every day in every way people look up to me and recognize my worth; I am admired” and I see no evidence of this, there is the voice in my head that will shout: “BS!” Then it will begin to list all the reasons why I am not admired or valued and cite evidence. Now I feel like flushing my head down the toilet. 'The Ego' likes to be right even at the price of happiness.
Affirmations that Actually Work
Instead, you need to pacify the firm voice of the ego before you state your affirmation so that it does not hurt you with a comeback. It’s the spoon full of Stevia that makes the affirmation go down in the most delightful way. Here are the phrases you must put in front of your affirmations. “Despite the fact that people don’t look up to and admire me yet, I am in the process of becoming a person people look up to.” No, come back, right? Let’s do another one. “In spite of the fact that I continue to eat copious amounts of cookies every day, I am in the process of including vegetables into my daily diet.” One more for the road, shall we? “Despite the one truth that I am upset and annoyed John, the other truth is that I am in the process of becoming more peaceful with all that has happened, is happening, and will happen.” Get it? I hope so.
Share with me what new improved affirmations you have come up with! And once you pair those with your passions for career and life and create your mind movie at my Ignite Your Business workshop or Personal Retreat, there will be no stopping you!!
I love what I do! Facilitating workshops, retreats, speaking, working with people and organizations to help them live lives of passion and engage in meaningful work makes me want to sing and dance.
Subscribe to my newsletter